Death in the Family

The following is a true recap of what has occurred these past two weeks. I felt like I wanted a way to remember what I've felt during this period, and hopefully see whether other people have felt the same way.

Friday, October 16
I had just finished my 2-3pm class early, the teacher let us out at about 2:45. There was going to be a Physics test on Monday, so I was pondering on whether I should stay with two other people to study for it. I went to the bathroom, then to my locker. I felt a buzz in my left pocket. It was my mom calling. I picked it up, and she asked me quietly in Chinese, "Are you still in class?" "No, we got out early." "Could you come to the hospital, your uncle's condition has drastically changed, and he may not have too long to live." "Oh...sure. Where is it again?" ... "I'll be there in I guess probably 20-30mins." "Alright, I'll wait for you there." I rushed back down to the classroom, where my three friends were still waiting. I said, "Uhh guys, my mom called and I have to go to the hospital now; my uncle's really sick and stuff." My friends were apologetic, with one remarking, "I hope he gets better." "Thanks," I said. I left with my friend to take the train. I gave a short description of what my uncle had gone through, including his 'battles' with the insurance company and his assigned hospital doctor, who had frequently been ignorant and out-of-reach from his immediate family. Before I took the train, I went to buy a Mega Millions lotto ticket, (the prize was over $200million), and said to my friend, "If I win this, I'm giving all the money until he's cured."

I took the local train, then switched to an express train, hoping to catch the preceding local, but ended up taking the same local train. I walked as fast as I could to the hospital, where I met up with my mom. She explained to me on how throughout the morning, other relatives, including my grandma, had also visited. I said, "Well, why didn't you call me earlier, I could have left class." Apparently, after going through a chemo just recently, his kidney was no longer functioning but his cancer cell count was at 99%. When I arrived at my uncle's room, his immediate family was there. He was already in a worse condition than in the morning. He had trouble breathing at times, and would frequently use the oxygen mask. He also had trouble talking and drinking, and seemed out of it at times. I now knew what the term "labored breathing" meant. I stayed there for awhile, until I left with my mom. That night, I prayed to the universe, to spare his life, and hoped that he would miraculously get better, because he was a strong man and had a strong and big heart.

For the next two weeks, every time the phone rang, I would keep thinking that it was a call that my uncle had passed. At first, my whole mind would seize up whenever I heard the home phone ring. Thoughts would go by of the bad news and the reaction from it. About a week later, news came that he was getting better; his kidney had started to work by itself again and he was more livid and partly back to his cheery and jovial self of his. Whenever the phone rang, I would think about it being of bad news, but less so because of his improving condition. I felt like my prayers had been answered, and that he would be back to his good old self and his cancer had gone away forever. On Friday, 10/30, my mom told me that my uncle had received another round of chemo.

Saturday, October 31
It was 6:30am. I woke up from a sharp ringing home phone. At first, no one picked up, because who calls that early? The second time, one of my parents picks up. For the next half hour, several more calls, which I later find out are apparently from my grandma and my aunts. I thought that my worst suspicions had come true, and ever more so when I heard my mom go out the door and went into my aunt's car, which headed to my grandma's place and then to the hospital. I dozed back off to sleep, realizing that my dad was still here and no one had woken me up, so presumably, it wasn't that serious. A few hours later, I woke up and asked my dad in Chinese, "So, what's the news?" "Uncle has gotten much worse; his temperature is dropping and they fear that this may be the real deal." I asked, "Well, should we go to the hospital? Who else is there?" Although I could tell my dad wanted to go, he replied that he was not feeling too well (flu-like symptoms) and did not want to get other my uncle sick. I spent the rest of the day doing homework and constantly thinking about whether this really was the end of my uncle's life, and what would happen. I thought about how ironic and symbolic that it was Halloween. And yet, I kept on remaining optimistic, hoping that he would be able to pull through yet again. I wished this again. My mom came home later in the day.

10:25pm
My family and I had finished watching Slumdog Millionaire earlier, and my mom went to take a shower. I was watching a rerun of one of my favorite shows, Boston Legal, when the phone rang. I thought it was just one of the many calls we had received earlier today. My dad, who was reading the newspaper, picked it up. My mom heard the phone ring and yelled, "Is it for me?" My dad gave the phone to her. A few minutes later, my mom came downstairs. She walked over to me and looked at me. I saw her, and looked back. She motioned with her hands a waving gesture. I perceived it to be to turn off the TV, but did not know why. She attempted to say, "Uncle has...," but then placed both of her hands over her face and started sobbing, sat down. I stared at her, thinking about whether It had just happened. I looked back at the TV and froze in place. I had no idea what to do - should I comfort her by hugging her?, or say I'm sorry?" I never personally went through a death in the family, and was in complete denial for several seconds. I shut off the TV. My dad, hearing her sobs, came over and sat down next to her. I then realized what had happened and leaned in close until our shoulders were touching. She sobbed so much, and just would not stop. I pondered to myself, should I get a tissue? But then I would be leaving her side? My dad then asked me to get a tissue, which I hastily got. She initially refused it until my dad said, "Come on, you're going to get a runny nose." I went back to get tissues a few more times. My mind was wiped empty, and I started to shed some tears a minute later. But I was thinking about how neither my dad nor myself really cried that much. When she stopped crying, I held her hand and tried squeezing it.

More phone calls came. My aunt was now getting ready to repeat what she had done this morning-pick my mom up to go to the hospital. My mom went and got ready. We were all still in grief. I was speechless for the next 10 or so minutes, only asking my dad, "Should we go?" My dad said that he would have to talk to my mom about it. After my mom got dressed in dark jeans and a black sweater with a black tie, she called my older cousin at the hospital. She didn't pick up. She tried the other sibling. He picked up and said that his family was leaving the hospital, since the hospital would now take care of the rest and there was nothing else for them to do there. My mom told me to call my grandma to let her know about this change of plan. My cousin also said that we would not have to go to the hospital tomorrow either. I was still hoping that my uncle would somehow, someway, come back alive.

Dai Yut Geen.
Ever since that first Friday, I had been thinking about how I wanted to write a post about this experience and my feelings. And so far, it's been an hour since starting it. I still have not had such an emotional outbreak as my mom did, and my mind is oddly clear. Perhaps this is because I've been thinking about what a great man my uncle has been these past two weeks, and perhaps this was a way of preparing for the bad news. I still cannot believe this, or maybe I have. Perhaps denial is hard to get over, or maybe it helps us deal with sudden catastrophic events. Maybe denial is a mental thing that acts as a protective bubble and you really do not realize the magnitude of a situation until it pops. Whatever it is, I know my uncle has left this earth doing what was good for his family and friends. He was a well-liked, friendly uncle who always made his home open and never gave up on the New York Giants. :) My mom is now (12:15am) trying to call my uncle in HK. My uncle always wanted to go back to HK but never could because he was dedicated to raising his two kids and supporting his family. Perhaps he will get to go now. You will be missed, and I hope that you will live a happy afterlife - I'll see you there in the future. Goodbye and goodnight, Uncle Gen.

12:28am
Post 190/198
Comment below! - and leave an ID/email to get replies

The Case for Healthcare Reform, Part 1

We need healthcare reform NOW. This can be accomplished in two ways: 1) Regulating insurance companies; the word regulate being one of the most hated words in the Republican dictionary, and 2) Overhauling what HMOs can do and providing a Public Option, as the President has proposed. Frankly speaking, the most likely reform to pass will undoubtedly be the second option, although this does not mean I am on the GOP’s side. This article addresses why we need healthcare reform.

For too long, we have let the people of this country go without a security that if they get sick, they will be provided the necessary health coverage to get better. Insurance companies cannot be trusted based on its 30+ years history - they terminate a patient's health insurance when it becomes too costly for them. They pay doctors and hospitals for the amount of tests they conduct, rather than how much better the patient gets. They deny coverage to people which ends up costing everyone more through higher premiums by not giving them the proper care they deserved originally. A sick worker leads to lower productivity and increased costs for businesses as well as higher long-term costs in the world economy and increased burdens on future generations.

Republicans and Conservatives claim that the government will not be able to handle national healthcare since it already cannot effectively handle Medicare and other government-regulated industries. They claim that Medicare is bloated and that people should instead go and buy their own insurance. But if someone is sick, how can they possibly afford the time to review the offers of private insurance companies when the companies are only in for profit? President Nixon started Health Maintenance Organizations (HMOs) because it provided a way for private companies to earn a profit off our illness. True, having perfect competition is a key value of democracy and capitalism in America, and a free market with individual choice is key to ensuring the best quality. But when it comes to healthcare, something that is so integral to our lives, we just cannot trust large corporations who pocket our money for their happiness to ensure that we will be better off. From an insurance companies' point of view, if a patient is going to be too expensive to keep insuring, then they just cut them off, regardless of the fact that the patient has paid them continually beforehand for an assurance that they will be taken cared for in times of need. Is that not what insurance is for?

And trust me, I am not only behind healthcare reform for myself, I am also writing for my uncle, who for nearly a year has been in and out of area hospitals and has most recently been diagnosed with leukemia. What made my family’s dealing with this crisis worse was brought on by his insurance company's ridiculous terms. When the hospital chose to place him in a 1-person room, his HMO denied payment since they would only pay for his hospitalization’s room and board if he stayed in a "semi-private" (2-person) room. This dispute took place at a time when he was suffering immensely as a result of sometimes-failed treatments and numerous blood transfusions. Another incident was when he had to be rushed to the hospital after being released due to a sudden change in his condition. The HMO accused him for not notifying them beforehand about a hospitalization, but in an emergency, would anyone really be willing to spend precious time waiting on a phone with their insurer to let them know that they needed to go to the hospital? Besides, the hospital, with its numerous staff and resources, should have the responsibility to notify the insurance company.

Having the government step in and level the playing field is critical in the healthcare industry because they realize that since our tax dollars are being used to pay for it, there has to be a good return for the investment. Instead of waiting until a patient is sick to treat them, more emphasis is placed on ensuring that patients get better preventative treatment by increasing the availability of tests which help spot problems before they occur. Rewarding health practitioners for the quality of care rather than the quantity of care they give, the reverse of which was the status quo, is also a key goal of healthcare reform since it does not make sense for hospitals to release patients before they fully recover to only have them return soon for the same problem.

Part 2 - Conclusion - will be available tomorrow.

Post 168/174
Comment below!

OBAMA: #44

Congratulations BARACK OBAMA on becoming the 44th President of the United States! He will also be the first African-American President in the U.S. The projections were made first by ABC at around 11 PM EST. Right after the projections were made, throngs of supporters in Times Square, NYC, and in Grant Park, Chicago, cheered. Many were in tears. Times Square looked nearly as crowded and ecstatic as on New Year's Eve.

In an ABC poll, 80% of those polled said that race was not a major factor in their voting decision, instead, 63% believed that the economy was the reason.

When John McCain gave his concession speech in Phoenix, Arizona at around 11:20 PM, his supporters booed when McCain first mentioned the name "Obama." McCain took it professionally and signed that he wanted them to stop. I applaud him for finally taking responsibility about the actions of his supporters. However, I still fear that many right-wing Republican conservative extremists, who were clearly upset at his speech by continually booing Obama, may be even more deeply divided from the rest of the country and may now have an even bigger reason to cause hate in this country.

Plus: reactions

• Aunt (before projection): Are you voting just because every other youth is voting? Did you hear in the news that if Obama wins, to watch out for terrorist attacks to "test" Obama? Or from white supremacists?
• Mom in a seemingly disgruntled, "Yeah-he-won-so-what-I-just-don't-plain-like-him" tone.
• Dad: Already? I just went up to take a shower and he won already?
  

Life Just Isn't Fair

I haven't had the best childhood. Even a few of my friends admit it. 'Deprived' of video games and toys I've wanted, food that looked satiating, and places I've wanted to visit, I've always told my parents that my life was not fair. But now I'm trying to bring to both their and my relatives' attention about how someone else's life just is not fair. My grandma's. I went to visit her this past Monday the 18th at her government-subsidized apartment in Lower Manhattan.

She told me of how much she appreciated my visiting of her and said that I was like her own son. The reason was that she had helped bring me up ever since I was born. Here was her story, translated from a recording taken about a minute into this "confession" or sorts, with certain parts omitted:

She first lived in my oldest aunt's home when she first came to the US. Then, when my dad came to live with my mom when I was being born, she moved in with them. They all then moved into a house that my uncle was renting in Brooklyn. I was born shortly after. After my birth, my mom stopped working to take care of me. My parents later bought my current home in Queens and moved there. She then said that she had helped take care of me ever since I was born until I was a adolescent. [Omitted]

She then gave some words of advice. When I grow up and get married, I should take care of my parents with the same love and care they gave me. I should also love and care for my wife, and try and get along with her (something she has not exactly experienced with her husband.)

My grandma then talked, with intermittent sobs, about how her current life is not exactly her dream life when she "retired." She has to live all the way in Manhattan projects since any rent in Queens, closer to my mom's side of the family and myself, is too expensive. "Any government monies or subsidies she receives is not even enough to pay for rent there." The worst part is that she has no friends in Manhattan to chat with. This is exemplified by certain situations such as when she has a drug prescription and has questions about the english on it, but no one to help her get answers for. She has to wait for her weekly encounter with my uncle who stops by or travel all the way to Queens to visit my aunt to translate it into fluent Chinese.

She cannot even keep up with today's rapidly changing world since she cannot get any television reception in her apartment without a cable subscription, and the radio's is not that great either. She instead has to wait for the newspapers by intermittent delivery of read newspapers by my other uncle or her occasional trip to Chinatown.[Omitted] If it is a good day, then she can make that long trip; if it is raining or is too frigid or she has an occasional pain such as arthritis, then she cannot.

She would much rather live in Flushing, where she may see her descendants every now and then when we go grocery shopping there. [Inaudible] Not only would she see more friends there, but would have a better life as well. She complained of how the closest grocery store near her current home is very small, has very few items to sell, and is expensive. The next closest supermarket, a Pathmark, is big but is too far for her to carry groceries back. The same goes for Chinatown, with the exception that the stores are spread out.

[Long pause]

Some more words of advice: put effort into your education.

[Some Q&A about a chart of her blood pressure measurements]

[Crying]

I then told her that I could visit her anytime since she was close by to my college and that she had shown me how to get to her house. She said that it was fast by bus (although buses were not that frequent), but walking at a leisurely pace would take about half an hour.

She then talked about how she could not wash her clothing without her weekly encounter with my uncle since she did not know how to operate the washing machine. She would bring larger items, such as a bedspread, to the local laundromat. The problem was, as she later pointed out to me in a visit, was that she did not know how to operate the machines. (I later drew a diagram of the controls and explained its operation to her.)

In the final moments of this conversation, she brought it back to a happier note and with the same love and consideration she has always had:
   "Would you like to eat some oranges?"

A final thought: Ever since she moved out of our home several years ago, I have always asked her to come back and live with us so that she would not have to continue to endure her suffering. But she has always been reluctant; citing that my parents disapproved of having her around as I got older and was the reason for her moving out, my uncle not letting her live in his (less) crowded home, and no space elsewhere. I break down internally every time I hear her sorrows and feel useless in my attempts to convince her and my relatives to find a better place for her to live. To this day, I still hold a grudge against my parents and my relatives because of this.