Saturday, October 24, 2009

Best of Bill Maher

episode 172
Premiered October 16, 2009

Guests: Garry Shandling, actor/comedian; Alec Baldwin, actor; Chris Matthews, TV Host; Gov. Martin O'Malley (D-MD); Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL)

After Cheney came that exciting new group of Obama critics known as 'the Birthers.' Or as they used to be called, 'the Klan.

This is truly a bizarre year for Republicans. Their sex scandals were with women.

It was inspiring to see white men finally stand up to the oppressive, rigged system that has forced them to live in a hopeless cycle of wealth and opportunity.

Stop trying to scare me with your Mayan calendar doomsday theories. I'm supposed to be terrified by counting the days on the Mayan calendar? Why, is my Mayan girlfriend late for her Mayan period? If the Mayans could see the future, how come they couldn't get away from Cortez? Besides, we have much scarier things to worry about in 2012. [slide of Sarah Palin]

On Balloon Boy
It was a pleasure to hear a newscast about a boy getting blown that did not involve the Church.

[Rush Limbaugh] wanted to buy the St. Louis Rams and they wouldn't let him. He was very upset. He said, this was a dream he's had his whole life, to someday own black people.

On Healthcare
[Republicans'] idea of healthcare reform would be to allow you to take your gun to the doctor's office. – Rep. Alan Grayson

On Afghanistan & Iraq
We could pay for healthcare for everyone in this country who doesn't have it simply by ending the war in Iraq. – Grayson

We are fighting a 14th century enemy with an 18th century strategy. There is no reason why we need to be there. – Grayson

Whenever a general says, 'I need more troops,' translation: we're losing. – Chris Matthews

If we spent the money we spent in Afghanistan or a fraction of what we spend in Iraq on alternative energy policy in this country, we wouldn't even have to bother with fighting wars for oil in the Middle East in the first place. – Alec Baldwin

On Don't Ask, Don't Tell
I think that we should rid ourselves of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' But then we're going to have to change other phrases like, 'I got your back.' – Garry Shandling

On Diversity
There are no Native Americans in the administration. And you would think at least...Chief of Staff. – Shandling

From: HBO Real time with Bill Maher

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